Tuesday, October 22, 2024
Tuesday, October 8, 2024
well, this was unexpected, read the bottom
not takin' a shitty way out this time around
listen to my fingers pound
rage is the sound
beyond these keystrokes you see my soul
playing cards now, if you were smart? you would fold
either way im taking your gold
denied my rights
been trained since birth to fight
is it any wonder i write?
I fuckin hate lazy people
i fuckin hate racist
i fuckin hate sheeple
and i fuckin peoples bullshit
God, heal this world, i pray
and get these stupid sihts out of my way
... i want to do the lords work in a laypersons way
Jesus didnt need to read the bible to save the day
(you know, i just realized something,
Im not the one to change the world i dont think..
its not what God wants of me. its what i want, i mean, no
not on any grand scale, i know i cant change the world
that big of a way, but i could do a huge part in helping..
this isnt what God wants of me though.. all this time
i was doing what i wanted, not what God wanted of
me. this is not crushing new, but.... man.. i dunno what
i will do now, i kinda had my eyes set on uplifitng people
thru my poems and thru talks with neighbors and in
the community and things :/ )
i dunno, im confused, i just think if i was going to do enough to change the world, that God would have
made this more obvious to me, so far all he/she/it wants me to do is take care of myself and try to find peace.... so is it ok to pursue other interests then like changing the world for the better? i dunno, my brain isnt cooperating right now.
some more
i'm probably done sharing my poems/rhymes/songs/whatever with the public. tired of working for a like. so from now on i'll share them with people who actually have feedback and enjoy hearing them.
i dont understand why black people wont let me stand up for them
it might sound like im racist with my kendrick lamar post, but im not. i realize most black people are just going about their lives same as white people, simply trying to achieve the american dream here in this country. just going about their lives praying they dont have too much trouble and that their efforts are rewarded.
this i can understand.
but i dont understand why black people (some of them) can cast me out because of my skin color even tho i have written poems standing up for black rights. its like, come you guys, you dont make it easy for a white dood to be on your side! which i would like to be, but yous shoot me down like im not good enough to stand up for black rights because im not black... i dont get it, do you want me to be racist? or do you want me to be on your side? should i just ignore it all and mind my own buisness? i thought one of the whole points of black lives matter is NOT that black lives matter more, but that this time, you guys wanted white people and more to stand with you and say, "enough is enough, police, stop killing us"
i know right from wrong, black people can have it rather rough in this country, but thats not my fault, I AM ON YOUR SIDE, do i know what its like to be black? no, and i never will 100% but i hear the horror stories about how just simply walking past a car with a person in it, they have the nerve to lock their door as if you are gonne rob them just because you have dark skin. i can feel that pain.
and i can relate to,,, have people not be so nice to you - my own government took away my rights to even own a bb gun, a simple bb gun, because i have a psychotic illness. even tho i gave them no reason to perceive me as a threat TILL AFTER they took that right away. anyways, im not racist, and if you would just accept my help, im willing to offer it.
i dont want it to be this way
i said goodbye to my support group because it no longer was a support group, we all just sat around like some type of elite club talking about linux and drugs all day... fuck that. people who deal with this illness need something a lot more than an elite club and they certantly dont deserve to be force fed joels drug talk.
they dont deserve the attitude of publios sayins "why am i so fucking crazy" have a brain man, i can't figure out if you are trying to sound cool, bitching, or its rhetorical, but no matter - it doesnt belong in a genuine support group, they dont deserve publios getting drunk every day rambling about how he will quit, no really, this is the last time. fucking go to an AA meeting publios, i wont look down on you if you do, i would look up to you for having the courage to take serious action against your alcohol problem that again DOESNT BELONG IN A SCHIZOPHRENIC support group >:|
some of the people in there are so fragile, if they just think they did something wrong, they leave and dont return for weeks. you guys need to be more gentle for those peoples sakes. im not coming back. i hate that channel now, its nothing i want it to be. and im tired of trying just so people can try to make it their way. you can claim you respect me all you want. but you talk is just talk, im sick of you not showing me respect.
svenny, doomed, missbliss, electricwalrus, umbra, a few others, i have no problem with you, i dont even have a problem for the most part with joel or publios, they just need to be more aware that its supposed to be a support group, not an elite club....
Carly, i dunno if this is it for us, i dont want it to be, but man you make it hard. you are so caring of your other friends publically, but you say nothing of me in public, is cause of your husband? like he would maybe get angry? cause i could understand that, but other than that, i dont understand, i really do care about you, i make absolutly certain you know i care about you and would go out of my way to help you and your family if you guys ever need it. maybe its unwanted, i dunno, but you ... you just dont return the friendship. :(
for now i will speak my peace here. i get bad vibes from facebook, and whenever i post there, i end up getting angry, i hate being angry, i cant think and yell lots when im angry, thats not who i want to be.