an article explaining some of schizophrenia

i made some additions on 4/21/18 at the bottom.





I’m going to type another article on schizophrenia now. I don’t mean what I type here to be a complaint considering I have schizophrenia myself – this is more intended to inform people about the condition; the real condition and not what lore and stereotypes have said about it.



In my last article on schizophrenia I mainly covered hallucinations – yes, people with this condition can hallucinate with any sense. More common is visual and hearing, but even smell can be hallucinated. My doctor has told me most people with this condition don’t hear the “voices” around other people, but sometimes I do hear them around other people. when hearing auditory hallucinations around other people, well it’s confusing to the point that the person hearing those hallucinations can have a panic attack. I have.



But there are symptoms like delusions of grandeur where a person can think they’re super important, like God talks to them, or that they’re an alien with much knowledge sent to earth to teach us. This probably sounds funny, but it’s not. People truly believe these things and for those who do, they can get in some serious trouble for thinking this way.



Often people with schizophrenia will think other people can read their minds. This happens to me a lot and it stinks to say the least. Imagine not being free even in your own mind.



A similar symptom but nearly reverse is that the person thinks they’re sending their thoughts to other people. This is called “broadcasting”. For most people with this condition broadcasting is uncontrollable and after a while They start to try to think just things that are “acceptable” to think or not think at all. This one happens to me also.

On of the lesser known symptoms of this condition is “ideas of reference” and “delusions of reference”. The difference is the person thinks it, or the person knows it. As an example, they might be driving past a fast food place and their sign will say something like “cheeseburgers half off when you purchase a large soda” – the person with this symptom could think “I love cheeseburgers. That sign is meant for me to see”



Ideas and delusions of reference themselves are not that bad of a symptom, but they can quickly lead to paranoia – which is horrid.

99 million worries

99 million worries and i'm still going strong
over the years only got a few complaints that i'm doing it wrong
so i'm going to continue my song, come on now lets all sing along

and i live a pretty shitty life but from this end it's grand
beauty is in the eye of the beholder. hold up while i do a hand stand
good friends and family so i dont care if i'm ever in high demand

all these fools chasing money like it's a drug
one that they can't get enough of
hold out a hundred and watch the snakes push and shove

what a disgrace we have made of the human race
women carry mace cause men give chase
and if your trying to make it in this world it's one big maze

well hey man, pick your poison
or live your life on the run
eventually you come to a dead stop
same as anyone

this is a poem about how i have come so far in defeating a lot of my mental health problems that i actually like my life most days now. it is not finished yet, but i couldn't wait to share what i have so far :D

---------------------------------------------

If today I were to die
Even if by suicide
I earned my pride

Shit.. getting past the hallucinations alone was Vietnam
And now I’m at the age that I have friends who were in.. Vietnam

Not that I want to die
No no no my friends,

I have a beautiful life
You read me right
I want to live this life

poem about anxiety 10-27-18

Man, I know other people have it worse
But the anxiety about has my head ready to burst

What did I do to deserve this curse?

Where can I run? Where can I hide?
Never mind, I can’t escape my mind.
The feeling of terror is inside

At least I’m not paranoid as well
Paranoia is similar to hell

I want to take a vacation from my brain
But that means being insane
for some reason I’m fighting to stay sane

so I’ll just walk around with my head held high
knowing the battle I fight inside
and try to get this life right

i'm so lucky

i freaking love my life :D

snort trump up

hic-up!
hic-up!

shooting society into my viens
even though it’s destroying my brain
i’m the creep that couldnt maintaine
blame the mass shootings for my messed up brain

i see advertisments and want to puke
i think of greed and my temprature rises

and rape is only icing on the cake
come along now, we have WWIII to bake

crime, porn, crime, porn
step into a casino and you will learn
putting a drop of liquid-homeless on my togue
and it’s a trip and a half outcome

i sneak through the city to get my fixes
watching the ditch-digger dig ditches

this hit isn’t good enough, i need the latest and greatest
cause that shit was the shittiest
a bump of police brutality, and i’m done.

Posted on April 23, 2018
Leave a comment

ramble nov, 6th

I don’t belong in starbucks
Too many in there who “don’t give a fuck”
Especially that their coffee with milk cost 500 bucks

And while the rest are marching, I’m making plans
Gotta get rid of this child dressed like a man

And I’ll always see the glimor of fame in friend collectors eyes
Where you going to run when they catch up with your lies?
Notice how in half the pictures people wear a stupid face for a disquise

I’d wipe my ass with trump after shitting on his lobby floor
I don’t care if that sounds a little too hardcore
I hate this man and I can’t figure why he is still president for

Don’t look for me at the bar
I’m the safest drunk, I don’t drive a car
That’s by choice, not law, see some of it just depends on how smart you are

untitled, march 8th, 2016

it’s all fake, plastic and gray, in this day and age

the pixels dance, but i don’t watch anymore
my Mac is just my digital whore

life is played out across the gigahertz landscape
emotions go flat, friends turn into text, and people think it’s great

people spend their breaks on cell phones
need a twitter account if you’re well known
and i’m calling ET “find me a GNU home” – over a land line of course

it’s all lifeless anti-social intel chips
with a cell phone and a tablet as the dip

where are the forests in this online world? where is the sky?
and now we’re stuck with this electric pulse till the day we die

untitled - july 11th 2018

i’ve had a rough life, the singing clowns taught me
but you’ll see it was a good education i recieved

and no one can deny that i came from a good home

but these last few years it seems, i been going it alone

these days i feel like a criminal that respects the cops
it’s hard when the train wants to keep going but the tracks stop

trapped in a constant purple haze,
cause manic depression controls half my brain
while the other half thinks fear is pain

untitled - april 29th 2014

*very* short description: this was a shot at society.
-------------------------------------------------------------
light another smoke
inhale some death
the world is dying
pleading for breath

watch it all watch me back
what is it the mirror image lacks?

everywhere i go
feels like a fucking reality show

people pretending to be people

fake smiles for the cameras in the clocks
tick tock, want the world to stop

witness the pain that all this shit brings
listen to the birds - only things left that still truly sing

the anti-christ super stars have taught us the ‘right’ way to drug binge

the gun totting gangsters get younger every year
happy isn’t cool anymore, so they embrace fear

school shootings, terrorists attacks
serial killers; i just want my life back

ramble on ramblin' man

i can't sleep, because i can't close my eyes
my mind has been terrorized
seen to much shit to let it slide

naw, i aint ever seen another man die
but i have seen myself die, not metaphoricaly asswipes, i actually MEAN IT

whats it really matter anyway
in a world where only the famous and wealthy have a say?

i mean we still got plenty of people who don't give a fuck about anything but themselves
and we got far too few to take a book off the shelves to *educate themselves*

it's one fucked up world so you had better watch your step
do or say the wrong thing and it's off with your head

--- i lost my motivation to finish this one - i might finish it at a later date. --

actually this is about "self-medicating" because the meds don't cut it.

when your heart goes cold
and it starts to snow
inside your soul

you know you're fading away

when the pills ain't enough
when you don't bother getting drunk
when you're sick of throwing up

you know you're fading away

when you're doing lines of coke
and you replaces your smokes
with constant marijuana choke

you know you're fading away

grit

this morning you fight
you've already said no to flight or fright

you're tired and everyone can see it
but they also see how you never seem to bullshit

you're always trying to do the right thing and they know it

damn straight kid, you got grit

you're not like one of these cheap punks that sell their soul for money
people know you've stopped being funny
with a clean concious you may sleep

unlike those that play it cheap

untitled - july 17th 2018

i wish i could rock the mic like an eminem
but Andrea Gibson has me thinking again
while trump has me wanting to run for president

and i wish for a world where everyone is happy
but just stating that makes people sarcastic and crappy
i can see it in there eyes when they look at me
they’re seeing the monster i used to be
instead of the dignified activist i am becoming

and my constant poems about schizophrenia might get annoying
but what about the schizophrenic who just turned 16?

they need representation too, someone to look up to, something they can relate to

what would you do? lost in the world scared and confused
the movies make us think we’ll be serial killers or mass shooters
nothing to lose

perhaps something you don’t know about me?
i’m a tree hugging hippie
only mother nature knows true peace

and i don’t write this stuff up just for you
i get kicks off it too
but there is something i’m trying to do

every poem has a goal, every essay an objective
these things haven’t been completed yet

i don’t know, maybe i’m in over my head
but at least i tried before i was dead

untitled - 2018 august 22nd

all my life i’ve been screaming

trying to wake up from this dreaming

where every star is a nighmare

and i’m stuck in here

trying to care

nobody understands the pain in my brain

witnessed the evil of being untamed

but all men feel it even if their walk aint the same

it’s tearing at my heart

where does it start

for fuck sakes, where does it end

spinning around inside my head

hoping i can finally rest when i’m dead

Pulling an all-nighter again

i can sleep when i’m dead

i’m so cool, got the entire planet at my finger tips

i wish i could explain this adrenaline trip

chatting with the chat room junkies

then hopping on twitter to beat down trumps cronies

we phreaks come out at night

dancing like werewolves in the moonlight

from the four corners of the map, we unite

Because we feel like partying tonight

brains before brawn before dawn

is how it goes down

Swimming in the E-Ocean

Rockin' the net, because i can

another test

test 1 2, test 1 2