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links: OJ is an app i am writing



STOP TRYING TO HACK THIS WEBPAGE
I READ MY LOGS AND CAN TURN YOU BASTARDS INTO
YOUR ISP'S


all writings on this page are copyrighted Nicholas P. Wilde

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now ask yourself. are you left with charity?
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----you had to hand it to him, he had a plan. and it
----started to make sence in a odd way. no fear, no distractions.
----the ability to let that which does not matter - truly slide.


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i can't always be tough. i can't never cry. life with schizoaffective is one of
the worst lives imaginable. but still, i think of the girl in israel who just
seen a bomb go off and hasn't eaten in 4 days, so i know it's not as bad....
but realize this, if i COULD stop the bombs - well, im trying to do just that
with my text - i want to change the world. and i want to feed her, not with my
money cause i aint got none, but i want to inspire other people around the globe
to feed that kid with my positive rhymes

and i know i get negative lots... well its kind like this, "treat others how
you want to be treated" i know i know, but even my own mind treats me like a
piece of shit

i once had a fan, she wanted to be a boy so that she could be a rapper.

look kid, the next president is going to be a woman, this proves you can
do anything you want in a america. anything. so be a female rapper. :D

i have so much love in my heart because i remember what its like on the worst
days of my life, and i dont want anyone to have to go thru the same shit i did

i wish my voice carried weight, i wish people took me serious, then they wouldnt
laugh off writings like this, it might teach them something... but i dont think
anyone except mom and my friends know how serious my writings are.

this is me pouring my heart out to you, because you had enough faith in me
to read it.
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seek knowledge, learn it, think about it - repeat on and on...
knowledge is power, thought makes that knowledge 10x more powerful

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    i seen something about truth.
it inspired me to write this.
open you're eyes people, many (not ALL by far!!!) just many, are living dead 
lives. a slave to their job, fast food, their smartphones, and what 
society expects of them.

break the mold people. if you dont like your job, get a job you like. 
its not too hard, if i could program and hack by age 15 simply from reading a 
bazillion computer manuals i paid for with my dishwashing job? you too can go 
to night school to prepare for a job you really want (and remember, you spend a 
lot of time at work, so pick a job that makes you happy NOT nessacarily(sp?)
rich)

make it a point to meet up with your friends and family, put the 
smartphone down, and meet up face to face. get off the net and TALK TO
PEOPLE FACE TO FACE!

(i have to remind you here, im not talking about all people, im talkimg 
about sheeple)

say you're like me, you wanted to be a rapper and rock the party with a mic 
in your hand as long back as you can remember.

well start doing that today.

chase your dreams, dont die with regrets of never having chased your dreams.
stop watch crime/drama series on TV, just open your front door, the world 
is out there waiting, with more crime and drama than anyone could possibly ask
for.
whatever your religion is, even if you are an atheist, hold true to it, 
speak it, learn it, love it, from the heart not the mind.

and if you hate me for saying this, you're probably in denial that you are 
part of the sheeple population

(if you are wondering what gives me the right to say this? i refuse to draw 
inside the lines, im gonna be me till the day i die, and tend to take the 
harder path because i see more that way, i learn valuable lessons by taking 
the road less traveled. and you can too. )

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0000
at night, the neon ghosts turn off their blinking
anger and there is calm

the ancients in the trees silenty sway in the wind,
their worries of what humans are doing to earth; calmed.

the cars dont honk at one another

there are no techno junkies texting or yelling on their
cell phones that cost 4 hundred dollars a piece to
be made by someone in china who makes 10 cents a day.

you look up, and there is a beautiful moon, even if it
was stained with our greedy foot prints, it still smiles.
you can't take something that grand and ruin it, i guess.

at night, the churchs are what they were always supposed
to be, peacfull, a place for quiet homage to our belief
structures, not a commerical instituition where people
pay for their mistakes they could haven not made in
the first place.

sometimes it's raining, sometimes it not. sometimes
at night it's cold enough to wear gloves or an extra
sweater. sometimes it's hot. but it's always worth it.

night, a walk through the miracle of a sleeping city
takes away the days agony and pain.
0000
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this one is so good, had to post it again!

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so angry, had to vent. not sure if this is good
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You're reading the thoughts of a mastermind
time is money, so quit wasting my fuckin' time
here to align my forces, and draw the line
cutting off your bullshit with a little rhyme
don't need a  gun, this here baseball bat is just fine

Now recognize you pushed me to this
severely pissed
and I don't miss

nah, it aint about crime, aint about niggas and bitches
aint about nice cars, aint about riches
you're looking at a REAL SCHIZO, that's what this is

so if I flaunt my style, aint nothing to it, schizophrenia made me do it
if I kill a mass shooter, aint nothing to it, schizophrenia made me do it
if I rock the party like im wild, aint nothing to it, schizophrenia made me do it
if I stand for the police, aint nothing to it, I respect them and their hardwork, 
you should too

was at the PO today, seen a bunch of flakes
Im there for a mistake
those morons don't have a brain

A bit of warlock, mixed with druid, mixed with Christianity
that's what you get when you're fuckin' with me
I'll hex you, hack off your arm, and then pray homey
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For all you niggas out there claimin' your crazy? Don't, its annoying, unless 
you actually have an illness as severe as schizophrenia...
Where's ghostface killer at?
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for kamala, for america, for freedom, for the people.

This is for the underdogs, my people, your people, our people

God have mercy on me for opening the eyes of sheeple

woke citizens full time is what this country needs

 

understand the president can do good

but we can help her take the guns out the hood

we can lay down our arms like deep down we know we should

 

we can reach out to each other and one another

acting like its a world full of mothers and brothers

cause i dunno about you, but i'd do anything for my mother and i'd kill to have a brother

 

mysonne said its for the culture, well im doing this for kamala and America

 

home of the brave, land of the american dream

Kamala is what this country truly needs

and a child taught to stay away from drugs will never erase that seed

 

but somebodys gotta tell these kids, drugs in your youth when you are young and free

lead to drugs in your adult years and pain and suffering

so dont say i didnt warn you, i wouldnt plant a bad tree

 

man if i could rock the mic like a m&m or a coolio, i would

inspiring the generation of tomorrow to do as they should

most of these rappers are up to no good

 

i once was a depleated soul running wild and free

till i realized i too could chase the american dream

and suddenly, my life became less empty

 

im a patriot at heart and i always was

but i used to be a loser, now i just spread love

im doing it of you, im doing it for me, FREAKING-A , CHEERS to the american dream!

this is a poem in the valentine spirit
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dust in the sunbeam.
the silence of peace
Mourning Star resting

sunday newspapers coupon section
and words that don't rhyme

olives
and i'll give

candy just because
yuh know... the merry-go-round is quite fun.

an article explaining some of schizophrenia

i made some additions on 4/21/18 at the bottom.





I’m going to type another article on schizophrenia now. I don’t mean what I type here to be a complaint considering I have schizophrenia myself – this is more intended to inform people about the condition; the real condition and not what lore and stereotypes have said about it.



In my last article on schizophrenia I mainly covered hallucinations – yes, people with this condition can hallucinate with any sense. More common is visual and hearing, but even smell can be hallucinated. My doctor has told me most people with this condition don’t hear the “voices” around other people, but sometimes I do hear them around other people. when hearing auditory hallucinations around other people, well it’s confusing to the point that the person hearing those hallucinations can have a panic attack. I have.



But there are symptoms like delusions of grandeur where a person can think they’re super important, like God talks to them, or that they’re an alien with much knowledge sent to earth to teach us. This probably sounds funny, but it’s not. People truly believe these things and for those who do, they can get in some serious trouble for thinking this way.



Often people with schizophrenia will think other people can read their minds. This happens to me a lot and it stinks to say the least. Imagine not being free even in your own mind.



A similar symptom but nearly reverse is that the person thinks they’re sending their thoughts to other people. This is called “broadcasting”. For most people with this condition broadcasting is uncontrollable and after a while They start to try to think just things that are “acceptable” to think or not think at all. This one happens to me also.

On of the lesser known symptoms of this condition is “ideas of reference” and “delusions of reference”. The difference is the person thinks it, or the person knows it. As an example, they might be driving past a fast food place and their sign will say something like “cheeseburgers half off when you purchase a large soda” – the person with this symptom could think “I love cheeseburgers. That sign is meant for me to see”



Ideas and delusions of reference themselves are not that bad of a symptom, but they can quickly lead to paranoia – which is horrid.

99 million worries

99 million worries and i'm still going strong
over the years only got a few complaints that i'm doing it wrong
so i'm going to continue my song, come on now lets all sing along

and i live a pretty shitty life but from this end it's grand
beauty is in the eye of the beholder. hold up while i do a hand stand
good friends and family so i dont care if i'm ever in high demand

all these fools chasing money like it's a drug
one that they can't get enough of
hold out a hundred and watch the snakes push and shove

what a disgrace we have made of the human race
women carry mace cause men give chase
and if your trying to make it in this world it's one big maze

well hey man, pick your poison
or live your life on the run
eventually you come to a dead stop
same as anyone

this is a poem about how i have come so far in defeating a lot of my mental health problems that i actually like my life most days now. it is not finished yet, but i couldn't wait to share what i have so far :D

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If today I were to die
Even if by suicide
I earned my pride

Shit.. getting past the hallucinations alone was Vietnam
And now I’m at the age that I have friends who were in.. Vietnam

Not that I want to die
No no no my friends,

I have a beautiful life
You read me right
I want to live this life