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all writings on this page are copyrighted Nicholas P. Wilde

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feeling like a junkie that can't find peace
my life haunts me even in my sleep
i used to at least have comfort in my dreams

like where did i mess up? what have i done wrong?
i pray to God above all else, and i have put down the bong
i get tired of singing this same old song

but i am scared, my life seems way out of control
seems like i have broken the point of no return threshold
spin around and around, this life is forcing me to be bold

maybe wicca just isnt for me
but i ask God if its ok everytime i do any wicca you see
and whenever he doesnt give me the ok? i stop the doing

and i know its not all your fault, the devil is after me
he comes for me when i am weak
and thats when i pray to you the most! the true almighty
i have learned in recent times when something goes wrong?
blame the devil, not God, cause putting harm upon people is just NOT Gods song

but God and devil aside
i truly feel like im fucked for life
i dont get it, i try and i try
but people only care about me for like a week after i try suicide

then its back to the same old shit
nobody seems to care about nick
even tho i scream, "i give a shit"
as in, i care about people and their struggles
i try to lift people up with some of my rhymes, i want to give them the virtual huggles
anyway, i sort of feel better after venting in this rhyme
thanks again God, till next time :)


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now ask yourself. are you left with charity?
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----you had to hand it to him, he had a plan. and it
----started to make sence in a odd way. no fear, no distractions.
----the ability to let that which does not matter - truly slide.


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i can't always be tough. i can't never cry. life with schizoaffective is one of
the worst lives imaginable. but still, i think of the girl in israel who just
seen a bomb go off and hasn't eaten in 4 days, so i know it's not as bad....
but realize this, if i COULD stop the bombs - well, im trying to do just that
with my text - i want to change the world. and i want to feed her, not with my
money cause i aint got none, but i want to inspire other people around the globe
to feed that kid with my positive rhymes

and i know i get negative lots... well its kind like this, "treat others how
you want to be treated" i know i know, but even my own mind treats me like a
piece of shit

i once had a fan, she wanted to be a boy so that she could be a rapper.

look kid, the next president is going to be a woman, this proves you can
do anything you want in a america. anything. so be a female rapper. :D

i have so much love in my heart because i remember what its like on the worst
days of my life, and i dont want anyone to have to go thru the same shit i did

i wish my voice carried weight, i wish people took me serious, then they wouldnt
laugh off writings like this, it might teach them something... but i dont think
anyone except mom and my friends know how serious my writings are.

this is me pouring my heart out to you, because you had enough faith in me
to read it.
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seek knowledge, learn it, think about it - repeat on and on...
knowledge is power, thought makes that knowledge 10x more powerful

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    i seen something about truth.
it inspired me to write this.
open you're eyes people, many (not ALL by far!!!) just many, are living dead 
lives. a slave to their job, fast food, their smartphones, and what 
society expects of them.

break the mold people. if you dont like your job, get a job you like. 
its not too hard, if i could program and hack by age 15 simply from reading a 
bazillion computer manuals i paid for with my dishwashing job? you too can go 
to night school to prepare for a job you really want (and remember, you spend a 
lot of time at work, so pick a job that makes you happy NOT nessacarily(sp?)
rich)

make it a point to meet up with your friends and family, put the 
smartphone down, and meet up face to face. get off the net and TALK TO
PEOPLE FACE TO FACE!

(i have to remind you here, im not talking about all people, im talkimg 
about sheeple)

say you're like me, you wanted to be a rapper and rock the party with a mic 
in your hand as long back as you can remember.

well start doing that today.

chase your dreams, dont die with regrets of never having chased your dreams.
stop watch crime/drama series on TV, just open your front door, the world 
is out there waiting, with more crime and drama than anyone could possibly ask
for.
whatever your religion is, even if you are an atheist, hold true to it, 
speak it, learn it, love it, from the heart not the mind.

and if you hate me for saying this, you're probably in denial that you are 
part of the sheeple population

(if you are wondering what gives me the right to say this? i refuse to draw 
inside the lines, im gonna be me till the day i die, and tend to take the 
harder path because i see more that way, i learn valuable lessons by taking 
the road less traveled. and you can too. )

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at night, the neon ghosts turn off their blinking
anger and there is calm

the ancients in the trees silenty sway in the wind,
their worries of what humans are doing to earth; calmed.

the cars dont honk at one another

there are no techno junkies texting or yelling on their
cell phones that cost 4 hundred dollars a piece to
be made by someone in china who makes 10 cents a day.

you look up, and there is a beautiful moon, even if it
was stained with our greedy foot prints, it still smiles.
you can't take something that grand and ruin it, i guess.

at night, the churchs are what they were always supposed
to be, peacfull, a place for quiet homage to our belief
structures, not a commerical instituition where people
pay for their mistakes they could haven not made in
the first place.

sometimes it's raining, sometimes it not. sometimes
at night it's cold enough to wear gloves or an extra
sweater. sometimes it's hot. but it's always worth it.

night, a walk through the miracle of a sleeping city
takes away the days agony and pain.
0000
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this one is so good, had to post it again!

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so angry, had to vent. not sure if this is good
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You're reading the thoughts of a mastermind
time is money, so quit wasting my fuckin' time
here to align my forces, and draw the line
cutting off your bullshit with a little rhyme
don't need a  gun, this here baseball bat is just fine

Now recognize you pushed me to this
severely pissed
and I don't miss

nah, it aint about crime, aint about niggas and bitches
aint about nice cars, aint about riches
you're looking at a REAL SCHIZO, that's what this is

so if I flaunt my style, aint nothing to it, schizophrenia made me do it
if I kill a mass shooter, aint nothing to it, schizophrenia made me do it
if I rock the party like im wild, aint nothing to it, schizophrenia made me do it
if I stand for the police, aint nothing to it, I respect them and their hardwork, 
you should too

was at the PO today, seen a bunch of flakes
Im there for a mistake
those morons don't have a brain

A bit of warlock, mixed with druid, mixed with Christianity
that's what you get when you're fuckin' with me
I'll hex you, hack off your arm, and then pray homey
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For all you niggas out there claimin' your crazy? Don't, its annoying, unless 
you actually have an illness as severe as schizophrenia...
Where's ghostface killer at?
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